Band Geeks 2
by snigglefritz22
Summary: Join Bikini Bottom after the Bubble Bowl, when the band has to go to the UMBC...


After the tremendous success of Squidward's band at the Bubble Bowl, Squidward has all of the  
  
respect and accalation as a musician he has so wanted for years. Yes, he is still a cashier, but he has   
  
finally beaten his arch-rival, Squilliam Fancison (from band class) and everything is going his way. When  
  
Squidward is offered a chance to chance to play at the Underwater Marching Band Championships, or   
  
the UMBC, he is estatic! But there is just one catch...  
  
It is probably best to start at the beginning of the story...  
It was eight months, three days and two hours since Squidward's fine showing at the Bubble   
  
Bowl. He was walking home from his minimum wage duties at the Krusty Krab. The Krusty Krab is   
  
owned by the most penny-pinching crustacean in the sea, Mr. Krabs, who believes giving one of his   
  
employees a raise is like dying a painful death. Squidward was just thinking about his painful status as   
  
a lowly cashier when he heard the most ear-shattering sound. You guessed it, Spongebob Squarepants   
  
was singing and skipping down the street. Squidward was relatively sure there was a dog three cities   
  
over that could hear this sound and was howling in agony.   
  
"Oh for the love of God, make it stop," thought Squidward. "Well, maybe if I close my eyes, he  
  
can't see me..."  
  
"Oh, look! Squidward has fallen asleep standing up," yelled Spongebob.   
  
"Not too bright, is he? Oh well, at least that dreadful singing stopped," Squidward reminded   
  
himself.  
  
"Maybe I should wake him up," Spongebob said. "Especially with that big Semi-truck coming   
  
at him..."  
  
Squidward's eyes popped open. He started running around in circles, confused and panicked.   
  
Within five seconds, due to his severe lack of stamina, Squidward collapsed in the middle of the road.  
  
Luckily for him, however, he landed right in between the two front tires of the truck and the truck passed  
  
over him without him getting so much as a scratch. Dazed, Squidward stood up. He looked around, and  
  
saw that Spongebob was not there anymore. Lucky for him, Spongebob had some sort of "brain fart,"  
  
which he is prone to, and walked away in the opposite direction. Now, onto the actual story...  
Squidward continued to walk to his home-sweet-home, which really looked like some sort of  
  
Mayan head sticking out of the ground. He walked to his mailbox, and retrieved the abundance of bills  
  
and junk mail. "I PAID that," he thought bitterly. But one letter stood out from the rest. He took interest  
  
in this letter, and forgot the others. The letter had a purple envelope with musical notes embossed on  
  
the front. Intrigued, he opened this letter. "THE W-W-WHAT?!" With that, Squidward passed out onto  
  
the floor.  
Seven hours later, when he woke up, Squidward realized just what this little letter was. It was an  
  
invite to the Underwater Marching Band Competition, the most prestigious of all band competions. Once  
  
he actually saw what it was, he preceded to wet himself, throw up and faint at the same time.  
Two hours later, Squidward woke up, regained his composure, showered and decided he was   
  
really hungry. So, he went to his kitchen, and took some canned bread, the best thing since sliced bread,  
  
out of the cupboard. Just then, there was a knock at the door. "Now who could that be?" Squidward went  
  
to answer the door, but not before taking the time to observe himself in the mirror.   
  
When he answered the door, there was no one there. "Hmm..." Squidward took two steps and   
  
the bell rang again. Getting angry, Squidward went back. He look left, right, and up. Then he looked   
  
down, and saw a lifeform not more than three inches tall. It was Plankton. "What do you want,"   
  
asked Squidward in quite eloquent fashion. "Hi. I heard the band is invited to the UMBC. Can I come   
  
in," Plankton reponded. Seizing the opportunity to boast, Squidward said,"Sure!"  
Later, while sitting at Squidward's kitchen table, Plankton began to read the requirements for  
  
the UMBC. "Uh-oh," Plankton muttered.   
  
"What?"   
  
"It says here we have to have a color guard..."  
  
"WHAT?! Why?"  
  
"It says here, and I quote,'Color guards make the band look good. Not flutes you can't hear,   
  
trombone players that take all of the glory, or dummers, I mean drummers,"said Plankton."What now?  
  
We don't HAVE a guard!"  
  
Squidward wetted himself again, but for different reasons. "Bloody hell! OK, we'll just have to  
  
hold color guard tryouts...After all, it's my fault we don't have a guard."  
  
"What? We never had a guard!"  
  
"Oh, so you think. But way back when, we did. I remember when it happened...  
"We were practicing our marching in block-formation. The guard was in front. They could not  
  
for the life of them spin in time. That, and they were slow to the music. 'Spin faster, flag  
  
twirlers! Spin faster,' I called. They listened to me, which turned out to be a fateful decision.  
  
The next thing I knew they were spinning fast enough to propel themselves of the ground,  
  
and that they did. Right into a blimp."  
"Oh no, that's terrible!"  
  
"I know. I still blame myself..."  
  
"Well, you should! You killed an entire guard!"  
  
"OK, you made your point! So, about those tryouts..."  
  
"There's no time! The UMBC is in four days!"  
  
"WHAT?! I thought it was in two months!"  
  
Plankton gets an evil smirk on his face. "Kidding!"  
  
"Don't DO that," yelled Squidward in anger.  
And so, the very next day, March 3rd, Plankton and Squidward put together fliers to put up all   
  
over Bikini Bottom. It read:  
Are you boring?   
  
Would you like to add some fun into your boring life?  
  
Do you like music, flags and/or other people?  
  
If you said yes to one or more of these questions, the Bikini Bottom Marching Band   
  
needs you!  
  
It will be holding tryouts on March 8th at 6:00 for its brand new Color Guard!  
  
Come for fun, friends and FREE REFRESHMENTS.  
Satisfied, Plankton and Squidward made 3,000 copies and put at least two on each lightpost...  
  
they wanted to be safe. After that, all they could do was sit and wait for five days.  
Finally, March 8th rolled around. The two had done so much sitting and waiting their rumps   
  
hurt badly. But finally, they had an excuse to get up. They had to prepare for the tryouts, and were very  
  
anxious to get started, so they showed up to the gym at 6:00...in the MORNING. Everything was quite  
  
prepared twelve hours later, and they found out exactly 196 people had responded to the flier. But when  
  
they found out actual WORK was involved, half of them left. So there were 98 people that actually tried  
  
out for a spot on the ten-member team.  
Now, there is something you must understand. Natives of Bikini Bottom aren't the sharpest   
  
knives in the drawer. They're not all there. So naturally, Plankton and Squidward knew they had a   
  
situation where their candidates were not entirely up to par. But they were blown away by their first  
  
candidate.  
  
Her name was Gina the Dolphin. She was exactly what the tryouts were all about. Gina could  
  
twirl, dance, march and even jump through hoops...she was not proud of that. Anyway, her tryout  
  
performance to "Water, Water Everywhere," which was the number one song in Bikini Bottom, was a  
  
HUGE hit with Squidward and Plankton. She was the best they had seen so far. After they picked their  
  
chins off the floor, Plankton said in an amazed tone, "Well, I think we've got one. Where are you from,  
  
Gina?" Gina answered, "Rock Bottom." Squidward muttered, "Oh, well THAT explains it."  
  
Unfortunately for Squidward and Plankton, the rest of the day did not go NEARLY as well.  
"Number 27," Plankton called with a groan. In walked, or slithered, a five-and-a-half foot long  
  
eel named Crystal. She was rather nerdy, with thick glasses and pleated skirt. "What exactly did you   
  
plan to do? All you can do is twirl with your one fin," Plankton continued with a sneer. He was not   
  
exactly happy with the performances thus-far. "You may tryout, but if you're here to fool around, leave  
  
now."  
  
Crystal, however, did not leave. She simply said, "I'm performing to 'Beep-Boop-Bop." The song  
  
was a querky little dance song that was very popular. Plankton rolled his eyes and said, "Continue."  
  
Just then, Crystal broke into, and there was no other word for it, the COOLEST routine they  
  
had ever seen. She did flips, flops, spins and tosses. When it was all over, she knew she did well. She  
  
said, "See you at practice," and walked out. Squidward and Plankton just stared.  
"Number 35," called Squidward. In walked a blowfish named Bertha. She stood in the middle   
  
of the floor, waiting for directions. "How do you hold a flag," she asked in confusion. Squidward and  
  
Plankton just looked at each other. "NEXT!"  
"Number 48" yelled Plankton. At this point they were getting angry. "TODAY!" Number 48 ended  
  
up being a piranha. "Oh great," thought Squidward. "This one'll probably bite our heads off."  
  
Sara the Piranha stood in the middle of the room. She picked up the flag and began to twirl. No,  
  
she wasn't great, but they needed a guard and if anything she would keep them in line. Thus, she was   
  
accepted.  
Plankton said, "They just keep getting dumberer, don't they?" Squidward stared. "Did you just   
  
say, 'dumberer,' " asked Squidward in amazement. Plankton said, "Yeah, so?" Squidward smacked is   
  
forehead. " Well supposebly, I drank melk this morning too, right?" Plankton looked at him. "Supposebly.  
  
What's weird about that?" Squidward just shook his head and yelled, "NEXT!"  
By the end of the day, Plankton and Squidward only saw five candidates really worth having, so  
  
they had a five-member squad. The members were Sara the Piranha, Gina the Dolphin, April the Guppy,  
  
Crystal the Eel, and they even had a guy: Ryan the Seahorse. Ryan had done a lot of studying on the life   
  
above the sea. Therefore, he really THOUGHT he was a horse. He said "neigh" a lot.  
Alright, so the squad was set. But they still needed a coach. Someone with experience.   
  
Someone like....  
  
"LISA," called Squidward. Lisa was from the color guard in Algae Cove, nearly two hours away.  
  
Luckily for Squidward, she just happened to be his cousin. So, of course, she was more than happy to  
  
help him out.   
  
"So, let's have practices every day-" she started, but was quickly interrupted. "EVERY DAY,"  
  
screamed Crystal in utter amazement. "But what about.....our LIVES?!" Lisa responded, quite calmly,  
  
"You are a new squad. You perform in two months and don't even have a routine yet. Deal with it." She  
  
directed her attention to the entire squad again. "Alright, here are the ground rules. One, I am in charge.  
  
Not you. I deserve your respect. Second, when I hold a practice, I expect you all to come. There are  
  
only five of you, and I do NOT need only two to show up. Finally, have fun. Yes, I do run a tight ship,  
  
but as you get better, you will enjoy yourself more. OK, I think that's it. Practice is at tomorrow at six,  
  
right here. Do not be late."  
  
As the squad left, Lisa began to collect her things. Squidward came up to talk to her before she  
  
left. "So, how do you think it will go? Can you have then ready in time," Squidward asked anxiously. "I  
  
think so," Lisa responded. "Just give me two months. You will be surprised."  
  
Lisa left and went out to her boat-mobile. She loaded all of her stuff into the trunk, and started   
  
toward her motel room. Yes, she loved Squidward, and would have stayed with him,but he kinda smelled   
  
and talked about his clarinet in his sleep. "Alright, the music is a swing show. So let's see...maybe I can   
  
teach them to swing dance...wait, there's only five of them...oh well, I'll teach them the Charleston..." Just   
  
then, her thoughts were interrupted by a disorientated starfish walking in the middle of the road. It was   
  
swaggering violently and looked unaware of where, or indeed, WHAT he was. Then he stopped. He   
  
turned around, and she recognized him immediately. Squidward had warned her about him--that was   
  
Patrick Star!  
Patrick walked over to Lisa. He was standing right next to her car when he began to drool.  
  
Apparently, Pat's numerous head injuries were catching up to him, which was unfortunate. He was dumb  
  
before the injuries. Neptune knows how dumb he is now.  
  
When he snapped out of it, he said, "Hi! I like cheese." Then, he sat down and went to sleep. Pat  
  
was never really one for carrying out a conversation.  
After that interesting conversation, Lisa continued on to her motel room. When she got there,   
  
she started thinking of more ideas, such as twirling fire, which was too dangerous, among other things.   
  
At about midnight, she decided to go to sleep.  
  
The next day, Lisa arrived at the gym at quarter to six. The first to arrive was Crystal, who had a  
  
"punk" look, which meant she had dyed her tail fin purple. "Lovely," thought Lisa, trying to keep a straight  
  
face. Next was Ryan, who greeted Lisa and Crystal with his usual, "NEIGH!!!!" He really had gotten good  
  
at that. Gina was next, with a flag in one fin and The Hitchhiker by Douglas Adams in the other. Sara  
  
came after her, thinking about her favorite movie star, Leggy-loo-loo, from the hit movie Queen of the   
  
Dorks. Last, but not least, was April. She was the smallest of them all, but she looked excited.  
  
"Alright, let's get started," Lisa began. Welcome to our first practice. I'd like to start by going   
  
over some basic moves. Grab your flags!" They did so. Lisa preceded to show them all of the moves she  
  
could think of. Being small, and left-handed, April had the hardest time. Before they knew it, their first  
  
practice was over. "OK, see you all at six tomorrow," Lisa called with a smile. "This practice went very   
  
well!" Unfortunately for Lisa, none of the others went as well.  
  
The next Tuesday, for instance...  
  
  
"I CAN'T DO IT," cried Sara with a scowl. "I HIT MY HEAD!" April was checking her noggin for  
  
blood. "NEIGH!!!!!" Lisa finally was fed up. "STOP!!!!!!!!! OK, let's try the routine one...more...time." The  
  
routine was not pretty. It was actually almost scary to watch. Their spins all hit at a different time. The  
  
dance moves were off. Two of the five couldn't even get through the whole thing. Lisa was just too angry  
  
to yell anymore. She just stopped practice. "OK. Take the flags home. Practice. Tomorrow, if you do  
  
not know this routine, you get 500 dropspins!" Apparently, know one took her seriously. The very next  
  
day, all five were doing dropspins.  
Before they knew it, two months had passed. The UMBC was three days away. Lisa was   
  
panicked. After some very hard work, the squad was actually on time with each other. However, they  
  
had never performed. What if they blank? They'd be in the biggest marching band competion in the  
  
world, be it on land or underwater. Squidward would never forgive her! Biting her nails, the squad   
  
prepared themselves for the UMBC.  
Three days came and went. They were the quickest three days of Lisa's life. The UMBC was  
  
here!  
  
"Are you all ready? Hair done? Uniforms on? Flags taped and secure?" Lisa was running around  
  
frantically. No one had ever seen her like this. "Do you think she's going to short out," April asked Ryan.  
  
"Neigh, I mean, no. I think she's going to simultaneously combust with Squidward." He was right. They  
  
were both in the same frantic mode. "Well, if her head blows off, I get her boat-mobile," added Sara  
  
cynically. Ryan and April just stared.  
Finally, it was time. The field was ready, the judges were ready, and the entire marching band   
  
was ready to wet themselves. They took their spots on the field, and Squidward stepped up to the   
  
podium. "A-one, a-two, a-squidally-diddally-do!" Suddenly, the band came out swinging with "Zoot Suit  
  
Riot." The color guard began their routine, too. Although they had never practiced together, the band  
  
and the guard were like one spirit. They were ready. They knew they could do it.  
  
The song ended. The entire crowd was on their feet. The band knew they nailed it. But there  
  
were still two more songs...  
  
Next was "Mack the Knife." The guard danced to this one, their feet moving the exact same   
  
way. They were dressed for the song too, complete with a mobster hat and shiny shoes. When that  
  
song ended, the audience was even more taken aback. They screamed and hollered for the guard's  
  
feature.  
  
The final song was "It Don't Mean a Thing (If it Ain't Got That Swing)." The band really got   
  
into this one. They all danced with the music, and got the crowd involved, while the guard nailed   
  
their routine. They had never performed better.  
  
When they left the field, they waited until they were back on the bus to celebrate. They  
  
did it. They acually did it. All they had to wait for was the awards ceremony...  
  
One hour later, the band was on the field with two other bands. Only one of the three got the  
  
really big trophy. "Please be us, please..." Squidward thought with his tentacles crossed.   
  
"As you can see, all of these bands deserve to be here," the announcer began. "The judges  
  
have never had such a hard time making their decision...You should give them all a round of   
  
applause!" Then the clapping stopped, he continued. "And now, the moment you've all been waiting  
  
for...the winner is:"  
  
Squidward wet himself again.  
  
"The Bikini Botton Marching Band, under the direction of Squidward Tentacles!"  
  
All at once, the entire band jumped about four feet in the air. Squidward cried. "Oh suck it   
  
up," Plankton said.   
  
Now you are up-to-date. See, it was best to start at the beginning of the story. After the   
  
UMBC, the squad dispersed. Crystal now works at a tattoo parlor. Gina is a librarian. Ryan, due  
  
to his love of real horses, devised a plan to make a suit and live on land. He lives in Oklahoma  
  
on a ranch. Sara is in the fast-food industry at Weenie-Hut Deluxe. April became a teacher. And  
  
as for Lisa, she lives in Algae Cove again. She works as a telemarketer.  
  
But what about Squidward and Plankton? Well, Plankton went back to trying to steal the  
  
Krabby Patty secret formula, and Squidward went back to his minimum-wage duties at the Krusty  
  
Krab. 


End file.
